Moving Matter
Purple Bee - Thas Right 02/09/2008
 What does fake hair and wintertime bring us? A case of the blues and a herpes flare up. We had the privilege of getting to jam out Greggo's Purple Bee Studio's this past weekend. T'was a blast, and Greggo as some of you may know, has done our last two albums, InfraBlue and Live at Greggo's. We hope to land some time in this place again very soon and record some of our hot new music. We just got word from Furr's the restaraunt that our music will be played in the restrooms and we also just got offered to play a chain of Pizza Hut's in Minneapolis for our Spring tour. Okay really, not really. If you can dig it, make sure and check out our tourdates, we are comin to your town! Fill you flask, bring some cash and get ready for a west coast snark out!   When you got a bloody arm (see above), it's time to grab some butts. Elkboz was in the full effect. Grego's place is the shit, so sick it will bloody yer fucking arm 7 Percent of Touring is Actually Playing 11/14/2007
Trials and tribulations of the Roast Beef Wagon... Huntsville TX, Lake Charles LA, New Orleans, LA and Jacksonville, MS. Moving Matter Mini Tour - November 2007  7% of touring is actualy playing music... the rest is spent mostly driving, I'd say about 40% is driving, 3% packin farts, 4% of our time is spent eating at buffets. 10% of our time is spent arguing, boozin accounts for about 88% of our time. We went to Huntsville texas, to start out our 4 night run from TX to LA to MS. Huntsville, TX home where they kill folks for killin, Lake Charles LA (gambling wasteland) and NOLA (Substance abuse capitol of the world), then to Jackson MS. First let's talk about Huntsville... I thought that the only thing they did in Huntsville was drag gays behind pickup trucks and electrocute the innocent, I was truly mistaken.... It's 6pm, dark already, fucking daylight savings time..... Made sure to tell myself, definitely don't want to get put in the can in huntsville, that could be really scary. The can means jail for all you conformists... The Huntsville that I saw was a pretty laid back hippie town.. At the club (see foto above), very nice place, cool staff. We were fed well, Dboz got snarky and ordered the Baja fish tacos, great food at The Stardust Room. It was a mellow night, we played a semi-acoustic set as our electric set would have scared off our listeners. The best part of the evening happened after the first song, someone doo-dooed themselves. This person shit their drawers... this person actually sharted and had to leave for a moment to go do some clean up. Just in case you didn't know it's sharTed, not sharded, I was mistaken, thanks Meg for clarifying: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=shart If you were at the show in Huntsville, you know who I am talking about! hahah... Nothin beats cleaning off shit from your leg with personal wipes in the bathroom. It truly doesn't get any better than this. There goes another nice pair of boxers in the trash... Now for the ugly part. Hotel Greenie. Have you ever stayed? I doubt it. Well, Greenie is the name of our van, of course we have an extremely luxurious touring van with a bed in the back and television, VCR, laptop station, XM, etc (stop bragging fat fuck). Anyway, cramming four of us into Greenie for an overnight stay is far from comfortable. You usually wake up with someones balls in your face and it's cold, smells like egg farts and you realize that its only 4am and you can't check in to the next destination until noon. Anyway, we hit the road, dodge Houston and stop for some doughnuts in Beaumont. Almost to Lake Charles, time to GO DOWN GAMBLIN... After checking in at the Baymont, the man at the counter that wanted to rape all four of us told us it would be a while as he had to corrall the disgruntled maid service to getting our room ready. Time to kill? Casino? Isle of Capri - ASS. Next to the gigantic bridge on Lake Charles, is a nice riverboat casino, we wanted buffet (Buffet 1 of 4)... after losing a few bucks, we hit the buffet for roast beef and gumbo... the gumbo was a fucking joke.. I could see the chef in a canoe out in the middle of Lake Charles with a ladle attached to the end of a very long stick scooping up mud for the gumbo... The gumbo was truly a disgrace, muddy shit with rice. When you come into Lake Charles, there is a huge bridge, that jolts up into the sky, conveniently located next to the casino.... I asked the waiter if anyone ever jumped off the bridge, he said someone actually did, we all figured if was certain death, this bridge is HUGE.. turns out some miserable prick actually jumped and lived about two weeks ago, shocking. We thought for sure if you jumped off that bridge that you would die, apparently not? We played at Lunas, it was a pretty low key night again, night two of an apologetic staff "sorry guys, we gotta get you back in here on a weekend"..... We drank 400 redbulls and played video poker in between a pretty sloppy loud set. My ears were starting to wax up and ring already, only the second night.... It was pretty uneventful night, the bar owner of Lunas was super cool, invited us back looking forward to doing better on a weekend.... Back to the hotel, guess what? Someone still wants to party... I bet you can guess who? BERNIE. He goes to Isle of Capri solo, wins big, we went to bed. 10am, Bernie yells at a maid for waking him up, everywhere we stay, we check out last minute. Its normal to get knocks, have maids coming into the room, knocking, pissing us off etc. So Bernie was a jerk to this lady. I forgot to mention that he also told the dealer at Isle of Capri that he hopes he never sees the place again, even though he went back there 6 hours later. NOLA bound, let's stop at Gatti's (Buffet 2 of 4) for some good old fashioned carbs and pudding. After that we stopped at Payless Shoe source to try and score some kickin kicks, but no luck. On the way to NOLA me and Dboz cranked out some Wayne Dyer, listening to the power of intention, I've definitely got some things to work on, like being nicer to Bernie and intending love and all that shit. Eat yer heart out Yankee Bean, I guess we better start re-intending waka for round two.... Although I think Jones got us in to Waka not intention... Just kidding, it works! Wayne Dyer, Great CD so far, but the rest of the band doesn't seem very receptive to letting me listen to self help books on CD while driving. NOLA bound, check in at the Ramada Inn. Naps ass. Finally some quality down time, we got rested up and headed down to the Maple Leaf. We headed over to some Bayou eatins at Mittendorf's on the way to Jackson. This was a nice family place, right on the water, we got plenty of catfish and gumbos. Pretty good stuff, my catfish was ultra thin, breaded very lightly, good stuff. Mixed reviews from the band, I'd say it wasn't all that... Jackson ho, the best thing about this tour is the 3-4 hour per day drives, rules. Most of the time its drive to venue, set up, feel like shit, play and haul ass to next place. Martin's is cool, pretty big room, dirty and ugly as hell when the lights are on. Seeing a club in the daytime is an ugly thing to witness, when clubs get dark, it hides all the stains of sins. With the lights on you can see every spill, cig burn, broken shit, glass, semen, blood. All that. The staff was nice, we were just discussing the southern hospitality aspect of gigging down here. I say this to the North, fuck you, people in the south are so cool, laid back and nice. Martin's was so nice, pumpin us full of hospitality and kindness. We scored a nice discounted room at the Holiday Inn express, thanks to Bernies (The Complicator) California King Size beds are the shit, that way I don't have to wake up with my hand between Dboz's warm hot pillow ass cheeks. We chilled in the room, we got a discount, Bernie treated front desk lady like shit because she sent us to 3 different rooms before she got our request correct. The gig was okay, I think some of the hospitality helped me flub a few drum fills... and beats... note to band, don't put full cooler of red bellies behind fats.... One thing that was rough... the town wasn't all that lively because Panic was playing in a town 3 hours away which is enough to affect our draw. Any Panic fans in the south will go to great lengths to see their favorite band. I think we will do good here in the future, this town has the potential to be a great success. Thanks to all that came out and supported that Matter... We had a blast... Summary of the tour. Lots of food, aside from a night in the van, it was a nice vacation, short drives, good venues, good hospitality, pretty successful. MM is getting out there, turning heads, learning the ropes and spanning out the web. Lots of farts and way too much eating. Our band smells bad, Dboz's feet smell like a rotting bag of babies. It's a miracle Bernie hasn't needed a liver transplant just yet. Percy doesn't have much left of his ears. I can hear myself getting fatter. Call out the instigator, because theres something in the air. We've got to get together sooner or later because the revolutions here.... because you know it's right... we have got to get it together, now...... Take me to the Gallow's Pole. Knob n Bob, turkey creek and the Buzzards Beak. Reach out and roast beef. No really, all things considered, WHEEEEEEEEEEEAL!  For those of you who are into guitar pedals, you may enjoy this one. I recently had the fortune of meeting Eric Shcriefer at the Lakewood Bar & Grill in Dallas. He informs me of his expertise in building custom guitar pedals. A week later I decide to order a custom Tube Screamer overdrive pedal from him… Two weeks later, I’m opening a box containing my custom designed, hand painted TS-808 Tube Screamer. I play it for the first time about 2 days later at the Coast Club gig in Port Aransas.    Post Title. 10/24/2007
Good morning my neighbors, yes fuck you too! Thanks! Well without further or due, here we go again, time for some on the road action. Stay tuned for some on the road blogs and hopefully this time it will be Bernie eating Red Lobster shrimp off the floor in trade for cocktails. The theme of the tour "This is why we can't have nice things".... reminds me of something my mom would say after we drank all the diet shasta and took all of her change to Alladins Castle.   This is Moving Matter hanging back stage with Tesla. They opened for us in Memphis, at the Daisy Theater. Unfortunately we were too busy backstage to really hang out with them, turns out we pull more wool than they do.  This is where it all started, above. The Ludwig Rocker III, I think thats what it's called. After I played on this for few few weeks, I got bored, and found out that masturbating, vandalism, swearing, huffing glade and being a neighborhood bully were far more interesting than practicing drums. Truthfully, this is my first drum kit, built by my brother and I, Zildjian buddy and all, roto toms, double bass, a true mecca to John Henry Bonham. We used to hide beer and porno in the ceiling tiles of that basement, sorry mom. Look how good we all turned out.  This is Moving Matter, pre d-boz. Percy was enrolled at the jewish mouse academy, Bernie was busy finding himeself, Danny was busy and ready to pop as his stomach was filled with beer and pops. This was a struggling moment for the band, had it not been for Dboz, we certainly would have broken up and all moved back with Mommy and Daddy, we would each then get 3 DUIs and get addicted to our parents pharmies.  This is how I feel all of the time. When we are about to BOTCH a song, I usually resort to this mental image. I pretty much have jumbled thoughts, I don't remember much and if we fail as a band I have been advised by my bandmates to take my life in February because I am fucked.   Let's give a shout out to the inspector, who makes all of our digital diahrreah a little more tolerable. We all got digi-runs because we love to spray ourselves all over the web like the tubgirl. The inspector has brought MM a new technological advantage that has enabled us to go from a Microsoft Word flyer band, to a full running hip organization. Now all we need is you people to get off yer asses and start boogyin down to some of our tunes. You have the rest of your lives to make money, and be laim. Get out, hey you might actually get laid, or at least score some bad X at one of our shows. Poot's Review - Live at Grego's 10/08/2007
 Gregos Video Du Jour: Winnebago Man 10/04/2007
This one is actually compliments of Jimmy the Kidd, aka Foodstore, aka Icestore, aka Kentucky Elvis. Blobbin in Memphis 09/24/2007
 So this trip starts out very interesting. All of the sudden the car is flying through the air, I thought the band van was destroyed and this rental car was just stripped of it's entire underside. Apparently some jerkoff forgot that he was toting a piece of stonehedge down the highway without strapping it down appropriately. I am talking about a piece of Limestone in the middle of the road that was high enough and big enough to kill anything in it's path. Fortunately for us, the band van cheated death because we're on a mission from God. Mr. Wheelers rental car was not so lucky. We hit the piece of stone at the perfect angle, any other angle and I might be typing this story with a cast on my arm. The car rocketed into the air like the Dukes of Hazzard on a San Francisco side street. Okay it wasn't that dramatic, but we did catch some air. Dboz said that he saw it in the mirror, the car did get some air.  It's 11:32pm as we approach the FedEx Forum in Memphis. We pass on the offer to purchase some chocolate covered psychadelics from the kids that are waiting for the WSP kids to get out. The cops are on horses, fully dressed with 1960's riot helmets ready to bash some hippie skulls if anyone gets out of line. Our goal, to direct target these spun out folks with Moving Matter Daisy Theater aftershow handbills. Have you ever handed out flyers to the masses of people? It's comprable to a bum standing out in front of a train station as people are exiting. People look at you and walk by, most of them are cool and take a flyer out of pitty. It's a neat skill to get over the fear of dealing with the masses and having the balls to hand out literature. After a while you get more courage and start saying things like "Tonight only, aftershow, free acid and group orgy".... They are walking by pretty fast anyway, and it doesn't really matter what you say. I once told a guy there was gonna be free ass-sex if he showed up. he wasn't impressed. Anyway, we handed out a shit load of flyers, and it worked, it yielded great results for the show.  I'm on my second Jumbo $4 beer, I see the $2 jello shot sign. Starting to feel a nice buzz. Impossible to find a place to piss, it's just like NOLA. Boo-Bot Sighting: "We've all been like that at one point" states Dboz. In my mind I'm saying fuck that, I don'think I've ever been that spun in public, that guy is literally foaming at the mouth. He had green bile coming out of his mouth, his eyes rolled in the back of his head. I put the hand bills away in my pocket to witness this creepy Boo-bot hit the floor as if he was palming the earth in search of jesus. It was like something out of a movie, this guy was in the middle of a tornado grabbing looking for something to hang onto before he gets sucked into the black hole. See link to video.... Enough said.  Theme song of the trip: Frankie Smith, Double Dutch Bus. Beverage of choice: Scotch, Ozarka and Wendy's Rootbeer frosty. Runner Up Song: Stevie Wonder "As". We sat in the North Memphis Martin Luther King city building parking lot prior to the gig and chilled out. We espacked rib farts into the exhausted fabrics of our over priced tour vehicle while waiting to head over to the Daisy.  Rib Dinner: Best Reeeeibs! All I can say is ITIS! And if you don't watch Chapelle show, or remember, there is a helluva a skit about an over the counter Rib product that Chapelle uses to get sleep. ITIS is kinda like after thanksgiving when you get that post turkey coma, same fucking thing except ITIS usually entails a little bit of mudd butt. In fact after that meal while waiting downtown to load into the Daisy, my innards weren't doing so well and I had to run and pay $3 for an Italian Ice so I could use these jerks bathroom. As I sat on the puke covered toilet seat and farted rib gas, I ate an italian ice. Anyway, most of us ordered the ribs at Rendezvous. Dboz got the pork chop because Elboz dissed the dry rub. keepin it in the family. Anyway, these ribs was the shit. Rendezvous, Memphis TN. These ribs came like #3 best in the United States. This place is in an alley, and they pump the smoke through the alley, it's truly a special place. I smelled the ribs a few blocks away and I started to salivate and masturbate at the same time. Well worth the wait, smoky bliss of spices and a true taste of memphis.  Red Blobster: Of course, it's MM style to dine out of our means. "Hey guys, let's spend 1/2 days pay on some Red Lobster, we can stop for 2 hours and then we can get home REALLY late and miss work tommorow". So here we go. And of course, I am in no situation to be affordin no fucking red blobster.  The Show: Daisy Theater. Big ass venue. Fucking TESLA played before us. Aftershow. This place is open until 6am! And they serve booze until 6am? Could this really be? Yes it is. We were worried, Tesla was so busy hangin out with the WT groopies they didn't pay much notice to us. We promoted the shit out of this show last night, after our worries of Tesla messing up our times to play, we finally accepted it and got set up about an hour late. This was a score for the matter. We rocked it. There was over 300 kids in there, held strong, 300-400 boo bots partying until 5am. It was spectacular having all these kids bouncing around and digging the tunes. to be up on a stage like that is simply spectacular and helps the mind to forget all of those bullshit gigs that you've had in the past where you played at a Pizza Hut on a weeknight to some angry folks. Props to Boombox of Atlanta and Electric Mudd, super cool cats that let us do our thing, they gave us mad props and we all got to snort crank together until the wee hours of the morning.  the BACONATOR: 840 Calories with Extra Mayo. So we are in Hope Arkansas, home of Bill the BJ Clinton. We stop for gas, it turns into WENDYS time. New ITEM: The Baconator. 3 patties, a pigload of bacon and per Bernies request extra mayo. This burger looked like Ron Jeremy had his way with it before it was served to me, yeah shitloads of mayo bro. So anyway, no problem. and Bernie was so thrilled to watch me eat this, he vowed that he would buy me a BACONATOR whenever I want for eternity. No probem, I can dig that but I think my tits got larger with every bite. They should call it the MOOBINATOR. bah! Video Du Jour: YMCA-Skos! 08/28/2007
bzzzzt! Video Du Jour: Pop Lock and Drop It 08/27/2007
his best yet! | CategoriesAll ArchivesOctober 2008 MatterMail
|
RSS Feed